Curly Hair Obsessions

As a teenager and well into my 20's, I was constantly having my hair relaxed. In 2004 a lot of changes were happening: I ended the relationship that I was in, I quit my job, I decided to move to London and...I chopped off all my hair. Well, most of my hair - from below my bra strap length to just 2cm. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders! Writing this I realise that the act of cutting my hair was a way to manifest all the changes that were happening in my life.

After the big chop I wore my hair curly most of the time. And while I haven't relaxed my hair since then, on the odd occasion I have used hair straighteners (just to see how long my hair really was, of course). The last time that I went for the silky smooth look (have you seen Don't Mess With The Zohan?) was in Feb 2009. 

I thought that giving up relaxers and hair straighteners would remove all hair frustrations. Boy was I wrong. When I think of all the things I used on my hair - I say 'things' because not all of them were actual hair products! Vaseline, baby oil, aqueous cream and body lotion all once part of my hair care routine. I've tried too many curly hair products to mention here. Curl enhancing and frizz free were the key words to get me to try a product. My biggest frustration was that I could use the same product and do the same routine on 2 different days and get 2 totally different results. I could have pulled my hair out! As I mentioned in my first post the turning point for me was The Proposal (our engagement, not the movie). In my quest for perfect curly wedding hair, I developed an obsession.

It started with me researching hair salons that could 'handle' curly hair. Then I started looking into curly hair care. There were loads of US sites which proved useful (and still do). The ones I keep going back to are Curly Nikki and Tightly Curly. In my quest to find something in the UK, I stumbled upon British Curlies and this is where my obsession reached a manic state. I would stay up until the wee hours because of the wealth of information on the site...and I wanted to know it all...NOW! I learnt about the CG (Curly Girl) way, curl type, porosity, texture, co-washing, plopping, cones, protein treatments, low-poos (that still cracks me up), the list is endless. I decided to have a go at the CG way because it seemed to work wonders for so many other curlies. I took my before photo and was on my way. The obsession didn't end there...I was taking photos of my hair every day and posting it in my Curly Hair Diary. I was still spending hours at the pc every night reading page after page in the forum. Coupled with this was a new obsession with products. I had to try everything! So I scoured the British Curlies Swap Board for samples of products.

About a month and a half before we were due to be married, we decided to postpone (don't worry, we're still very happy together). We were planning a wedding in the UK and realised that our shared dream wedding needed to be somewhere else...and now we're planning a beach wedding :-)

This decision gave me some perspective and I realised that this obsession (or any obsession for that matter) wasn't healthy. Focussing all my attention on one thing (my hair) was at the expense of a host of other things that deserved more from me: my relationship, work, studies, and me.

Have I given up curly hair research? No way! But instead of reading everything, I look for something specific. Right now I'm trying to learn more about protective styles. So when I go to the sites, that's what I search for, instead of going through all the posts and seeing what they can teach me. I'm not sorry that I brought my attention to my hair and that I've learned so much about haircare. The most important lesson so far has been this: at the end of the day, it's all about balance.

Thanks for reading.

Hair and Self Esteem

I was chatting to my niece the other day and she mentioned that she was doing her hair. 'Doing her hair' = getting a weave.The weave was essentially a protective style. She really wants to grow her hair and, like any good aunt would, I've been encouraging her to do research and learn more about how to take care of her hair. 

So what's slowing down the hair growth?

In my opinion, it's chemical straighteners. She's only 16 and regularly straightens her hair. Why? Because there's immense pressure for girls her age to look a certain way. I remember through my teens being sent to the hair salon to get my hair straightened. During my 20's it was more a case of Dad saying "Here's some money, go and get your hair done". This seems like a long time ago but not much has changed. There's still this pressure on females to conform to a particular picture. (If you haven't seen Good Hair yet, you should!)

Thankfully there's a natural hair movement that's talking about it being ok to wear hair naturally. That straight isn't the only acceptable look. We need more role models for young girls who are proud of who they are as they are and not the look that their money can buy. 

This isn't about judging. This is about a young woman who wants to grow her hair but finds her hair damaged because she wants to look a certain way. She doesn't have the self-confidence to go against the image she has of what good looks like and do what she really wants to do. 

So that's what this post is really about. Building self-confidence. Nurturing our children in a way that they choose a look that's their choice and not one they feel pressured into choosing. Do you know what I mean? It's about telling little girls and boys that they're beautiful, gorgeous and amazing...just the way they are. Something a little like this song...so that they can feel proud to sing this. Because, at the end of the day, 

Thanks for reading.